Sunday, November 7, 2010

Andrew Sullivan Loves the Mob, and Hyenas

Andrew Sullivan has been on quite on a roll, dishing out several Israel-related posts that he's quite proud of - they're three of his last five "Sully's Recent Keepers" (I, II, III). He's kept his head, his language civil, this wordsmith extraordinaire, perhaps still sore from The Spanking he received back in September (still waiting on that retraction, Andrew), of which this scratchpad of a blog played but a minor fiddle in. As the few proud souls who still frequent my "Stories" have likely surmised, I took a long-winded October break from blogging, save a few morsels, but I'm back, and Andrew is about to get a mouthful, Andrew Sullivan Watch Style. Shall we begin with the low hanging fruit? Open wide!

Regarding your post: "Debating Israel-Palestine III, Ctd"

Maybe the USA should just give up its veto power. Is it fair, after all, that we are allowed the right to veto the world's will in a way that 190 other states aren't? Shouldn't we just throw ourselves, kindheartedly, in good Christian spirit, at the mercy of world opinion? Why should the US be allowed to set its own foreign policies when they conflict with the rights and interests of other nations? Is that right, or fair, or just? Are American drones butchering civilians in Pakistan any different from Israeli drones butchering civilians in Gaza? And who can really tell anymore, civilians, terrorists - isn't everyone innocent, and such a nice, upstanding member of society, and always helping old people across the street, except that split second when they squeeze the trigger, and then they go home to kiss their children but rape their wives. Aren't American immigration policies, trade policies, energy policies, drug policies, space policies, agriculture policies and all the rest of them wrecking havoc across the globe, propping up corrupt and illegitimate oil sheikhdoms, decimating family farms in Africa and Asia, spilling acid rain in Canada and destabilizing Mexico? And who is to tell really, but someone will, just ask for volunteers and they will come, and some will crawl, from under rocks and off hospital beds, denouncements in hand.

Shouldn't we be held to account for our policies, before the world, the way you want Israel to be held to account for its policies? Like a man being forced out into a pack of circling hyenas to retrieve a rock he threw to keep them at bay. That savage, that serial animal abuser, to throw rocks, in this age. Yes, I already called PETA, and the local news, the nerve of him! And those poor animals just doing what they can't help but do, trying to fill their empty stomachs. Doesn't he deserve his fate, for littering the ground with rocks if nothing else, or maybe for lifting that boulder in such a proud, muscular way? The arrogance of it all, and they are such pure, beautiful creatures, wouldn't hurt a soul who wasn't there to begin with, and why was he there? It was unseemly if you ask me, such naked, proud strength, and certainly not for the polite company of hyenas.

Would it really be enough for you if the US stopped vetoing wet Arab dreams? Aren't we capable of dishing out more justice, much more, and looking damn good doing it? Shouldn't we do something more to stop that "irrational", "dangerous" "regime"? They're armed with nukes, didn't you know, and who is to tell who they will nuke next, maybe us? Isn't that what irrational, dangerous regimes do? Shall we make it a truly feel-good international effort and coordinate a precision bombing campaign? The Arabs might already have some targets picked out. We certainly can't display any favoritism to Israel, but we are free to proclaim our unbalanced disfavoritism, for a five percent bump in the Arab Street. Maybe even ten percent, or twenty, so long as no one is looking at those propped up sheiks our aircraft carriers keep in power, or the civilians we seem to keep splattering all over distant pavements, and all for a good cause, although not everyone understands how sad we are about that. Or those peasants in Africa who lose their farms trying to compete with our Big Agra, but wait, they're not Arab, they don't burn down embassies and they don't fly aircraft into office buildings. Of course, not all Arabs are terrorists - that's racist and silly, and everyone knows better - but we should really pay more attention to their sweet requests, and not the African farmers, you know, for no particular reason. So long as the frothy mob is distracted, or rather focused, on anyone but us - the Jews will do, and don't they always?

You seem to have a lot of answers, you fan of frothy mobs with pitchforks, you. I look forward to hearing more of your wisdom, you lover of circling hyenas, you.

In good Christian spirit,
-Victor Shikhman

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